Something I need to remember

25."Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26.Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27.Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? 28."And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30.If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31.So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32.For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33.But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
MT 6:25-34

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

When you put your mind to it

I started my college career at MTSU in the Fall of 1999. I didn't really want to be there, i was paying my own way, working, dating, etc...being a typical 19 year old. i knew what i wanted to be when i grew up. I wanted to be a Pharmacist, get married, have kids, then be a stay at home mom, maybe working part time in a pharmacy somewhere when my kids went to school, But mostly i wanted to be a stay at home mom. I took Chemestry and Biology my first semester and made an F in Chemestry and a D in Biology. only my first semester in College and i started out with a 1.53 GPA! not a great start. but i thought okay, I'm in college now, i just need to study more than i did when i was in High School. so the next semester i took a few easier classes, started dating the LOVE of my life, the man i knew i was going to marry (Jonathan). but i dropped one class so i was only officially part time, i managed to get an A, a B and only one F! so i've brought my GPA up to a 1.895. That's a little better, but nothing to brag about. by the Fall of 2000, Jonathan and i are madly in love, want to get married and i'm thinking, okay it's not going to work out for me to be a pharmacist, I'll just be a stay at home mom. However, Granny is pestering me to make sure i get a degree, so i'll just get something to make her happy. i manage to get through that semester with 2 C's 1 B and 1 A (the A was in Speech, thank you 4-H!) for those keeping track my GPA has creeped up to a 2.226, doing better, but still not getting any scholarships with that! Slowly slowly slowly took a few classes here and there, still didn't really care because i knew i was going to be a stay at home mom forever, and i was only getting this degree for Granny anyway so what difference did it make how well i did. Fast forward to Fall 2001 i manage to have a 2.312 Still no scholarships knocking down my door and i just want to get married and begin my happily ever after story. Jonathan and i got married, I dropped out so Jonathan could finish (we couldn't afford for both of us to go and at least he wanted to do something with his degree) Jonathan got his undergrad and his masters, and gets a great teaching job. I got Pregnant and poof, no more reason for me to ever go back to school. woah but wait. now i'm home with this baby all the time. This baby is really needy, I don't know what to do with this baby all the time. what happens when i get needy? is there anyone to care for me? yeah, Jonathan's here for me. well, yeah he's here, but he has to work, one of us has to make money right? so what do i do when i just need someone to talk to and Jonathan's working? to make a long story short, i talk to myself and go crazy! yeah, i had post-partum Depression. All my life all i ever wanted was to be a stay at home mom. and now it wasn't working out like it does on TV. Why can't i be Uncle Jesse, Aunt Becky, Uncle Joey and Danny Tanner all rolled into one super mom!? Why didn't i love this? did it mean i didn't love my child? What was wrong with me? well...it took me a while to figure this out, but God told me that he didn't make everyone to be a stay at home mom. God said that he made some people to be stay at home dad's, he made some people to be babysitters, he made somepeople to work and run daycares, and he made some people to have regular jobs. they are still good people, they are still good parents. they are no better or worse than the people that stay home with thier kids all day, they're just not made to stay home. So God said he did not make me to stay at home and he reminded me that Granny said it was really important for me to finish college. so i thought, wow, Granny was a pretty smart woman. maybe i outta try this college thing again. So i go back to MTSU, talk to a career counselor, figure out what i really WANT to do, something that will make me happy, and pay me for it. and i start it up again, this time, i WANT to be there, This time i NEED to be there, i care what the teachers are saying, i Have the 2 Loves of my life encouraging me every day. and now i'm proud to say i'm a Junior at MTSU with a 2.75 GPA. I'm so excited, i'm actually even thinking about Graduate school! (have to have a 3.0 for that) and i qualify for some scholarships too! (havent' gotten any yet, but at least i can at least apply for them now!) I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who supports me through my last few semesters of school and to those who want to go back to school "GO FOR IT!" and for those who have not yet started, please pay attention, please don't waste your time and money!

a wonderful blog on how it feels to be a mommy. Deborah said it's like she crawled into my head and can say exactly how i feel!

PEACE!
Cindy
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